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我们一起来译庞德的诗"In a Station of the Metro"

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楼主
发表于 2016-4-21 13:48 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 林水云风 于 2016-4-24 16:10 编辑

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet,black bough.

看了一些网上的介绍,有人认为这首诗以一战为背景,站台是社会的缩影,表现焦虑中的希望,昏暗中的光明;也有人认为意境玄奥,难以明确把握;有人认为其写作借用了日本俳句或中国古诗的技巧。

站台掠影


浮生尚有惊如许,
雨打枝头花更艳。

惊,取惊艳的意思,取惊字,可能不如取艳字,以艳对花,仄对平,似更好一些:

浮生尚有艳如许,
雨打枝头花更红。


茫茫人潮中飘闪的几张幻脸,
若夜雨洗过枝头的花瓣。

译文皆取一战背景之意。

林水云风译



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沙发
发表于 2016-4-22 12:38 | 显示全部楼层
火星闪烁 发表于 2016-4-22 10:31
欢迎林水云风同学来访。
您的译文精彩,“浮生”译得精妙。

谢谢,意境很深,不是很好译,尚在改动。
问好!
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板凳
发表于 2016-4-24 16:02 | 显示全部楼层
火星闪烁 发表于 2016-4-24 05:34
庞德说:诗的翻译就是诗的新作。
一—与林水云风同学共勉

非常同意庞德的话,但云风常为拙笔开脱,译不好,就当是自己的涂鸦
你的译文越改越有新意,花瓣片片雨,很有诗意。
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地板
发表于 2016-4-25 12:55 | 显示全部楼层
火星闪烁 发表于 2016-4-24 21:02
今晨看新闻俄罗斯轰炸叙利亚居民区,立即修改了自己的翻译,后面看到你的翻译也更新了,真是巧。

好的灵感啊!
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5#
发表于 2016-4-27 14:59 | 显示全部楼层
昨天搜到的解释文章:

In this quick poem,Pound describes watching faces appear in a metro station. It is unclear whether he is writing from the vantage point of a passenger on the train itself or on the platform. The setting is Paris,France,and as he describes these faces as a "crowd," meaning the station is quite busy. He compares these faces to "petals on a wet,black bough," suggesting that on the dark subway platform,the people look like flower petals stuck on a tree branch after a rainy night.

Analysis:
The brevity of this poem can be intimidating to analyze; after all, how much can a poet possibly convey in merely two lines? However, the shortness of this poem fits with its topic; when reading, the words flash by quickly, just as a subway speeds away from the platform in an instant. The doors open quickly, revealing a sea of faces, and then close again - the faces are gone after a fleeting glance. This poem's length and quick pace matches the constant motion of a train as it speeds by.
Though short, this poem is very sensory in nature; it allows the reader to imagine a scene while reading the lines. Through Pound's economical description of these faces as "petals on a wet, black bough," he is able to invoke a transient tone.

This poem is also a clear example of the Imagist style. Victorian poets would frequently use an abundance of flowery adjectives and lengthy descriptions in their poems. Yet Pound employs a Modernist approach to "In a Station of the Metro," using only a few descriptive words (and no verbs among them) to successfully get his point across.

Pound uses the word "apparition," which is a ghostly, otherworldly figure, something ephemeral that fades in and out of view. By using this word, Pound reveals surprise at seeing this sea of faces as the subway doors open, which, for a brief moment, fills him with a sense of awe and astonishment. Also, the impermanence of the image gives the poem a melancholy tone, as if Pound is contemplating the fragility of life.

Pound connects images of petals and boughs to a mass of humanity - linking a man-made metropolitan scene with the cycles of nature. Pound's use of living metaphors adds to the fleeting tone of this poem. Flowers and trees, like human beings on a metro, are constantly moving, growing, and changing. This short glimpse through the metro doors is the only time that group of people will be as they are in that instant. Similarly, no two petals will ever look exactly the same, as rains come and go, winters freeze, and new buds bloom.


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6#
发表于 2016-4-28 11:59 | 显示全部楼层
叶如钢 发表于 2016-4-27 23:56
庞德自己的解释:

Three years ago in Paris I got out of a "metro" train at La Concorde, and s ...

当然要按庞德解释来译,faces 指的是crowd 里面的一小部分, 而不是指全部。我的译文就是按庞德的解释译的。

He compares these faces to "petals on a wet,black bough," suggesting that on the dark subway platform,the people look like flower petals stuck on a tree branch after a rainy night.

我主要是感到这个解释很好。petals on a wet,black bough,这句看起来很好译,随手就可译成:湿漉漉的黑树枝上的花瓣。大量译文多是这样翻译的。可我对这个翻译不满意,诗人说他是按日本的俳句而写的,而且诗人也很喜欢中国古诗,我觉得日本诗人不会写出“湿漉黑枝”这样的俳句,中国诗人也写不出“湿漉黑枝”这样的绝句或对句。

我想到“青枝”这个词,这是中国诗词常用词,可青枝的青,几乎都指的是绿色,不指黑色,所以用这个词翻译black bough不合适。我又想到“寒枝”,觉得这个词当可用。

我在网上继续搜索资料,看到了rainy night这个说法,又看到关于这首诗的几幅画,都是枝上的花瓣在夜色中。我这才体会出wet和black的意思,不是说树枝是湿黑的,而是说树枝在雨中、夜中,所以“寒枝”也就弃了。

雨夜,是当时一战下的气氛;人群、树枝,处在那种气氛下,压抑、无奈;幻脸、花瓣,诗人感受到还有明亮、美丽。

当时看到rainy night这个说法,看过就关了,没有摘下。这回又看到这个说法(是否与上次看到的是同一文,不记得了),遂摘下贴在这里。
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7#
发表于 2016-4-28 12:55 | 显示全部楼层
叶如钢 发表于 2016-4-28 12:20
庞德从俳句获得启发: 一是用两三行就写成一首诗, 一是某些韵味。 但他写的和日本俳句有明显不同。
...

文章题目是什么,现在哪一页?
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8#
发表于 2016-4-28 13:09 | 显示全部楼层
叶如钢 发表于 2016-4-28 13:07
我说的是我的分析。 庞德的文章在这里:

http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/m_r/pound/metr ...

你说“在诗歌评论版有一篇文章谈到这首诗”,我说的是怎么找到这篇文章。
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9#
发表于 2016-4-28 15:41 | 显示全部楼层
叶如钢 发表于 2016-4-28 12:20
庞德从俳句获得启发: 一是用两三行就写成一首诗, 一是某些韵味。 但他写的和日本俳句有明显不同。
...

英语与日语、汉语的巨大差异,英语是无法写出日语、汉语的古诗的,只能是模仿其形式,借鉴其味道。所谓超现实的意味,也就是意象,而意象,是中国古典文学自有的概念,庞德的意象派或许有源自东方的影响。一些分析文章说这首诗的写作,受到了维多利亚诗风及日本俳句善写花的影响。

And this Yugen in the Zenrin Kushu:
Wind subsiding,the flowers still fail,
Bird crying,the mountain silence deepens.

这首俳句译成英文,也就是译成现代诗体。

我的译文最后保留了两首,一个是仿古的,一个是现代自由体。

我觉得这首诗似能写成中文的对句。树枝对人群;花对容;夜雨,其意也在上行中,可找对词而对之。
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10#
发表于 2016-4-28 16:00 | 显示全部楼层
火星闪烁 发表于 2016-4-28 15:07
谢谢林水云风同学!
这首诗是三行,共20个词。标题入诗了。
原诗中有三个大的诗歌意境,有许多意象。

标题入诗,这我还不知道,第一次从你这儿听说,感谢!
那我的标题,站台掠影,暂算首行吧。

这首诗,除我以上理解,似还可以理解为,诗人对现实人生的沮丧,芸芸众生多庸俗不堪,苟且偷生,挚友真爱,凤毛麟角,而又可遇不可求。
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