文/科萊夫·詹姆斯（澳大利亞）珠峰 譯
被宣判為活罪，我仰面躺著盡管
綁著冰袋，至少我能咳過這長夜
如果走一里路到鎮上，我會使出
穿過深深的泥土所應有的能耐
一個感傷的人，比他說出來的還要傷懷
但這罪過肯定還没到該死的份兒
每一天他知道自己的路就是奔跑：
我的罪讓我一無所信，我會扯謊
彷彿我能真誠對待每一個人
即刻造成所有的毀滅都是
以愛的名義，或者我這麼想
我應該見過我的死，相信這些
不，沒有，那不過是個應得的教訓
如今我老了，病了，多不如常
我眼前的事物顯出全新的意象
女兒的花園裏有個金魚池塘
養著六條手指長的小魚兒
我站著看它們循著自己的規律
互不觸碰，從不出錯
蹤跡完美如舒緩的歌唱
曾經，我沒注意到，也不會懂
一種在日本叫做銀蓮花的植物
灰白而柔弱。如今我卻抓到了
這葉子的色調。沒有一隻鳥落上枝頭前
能逃過我的眼睛。我看出有幾個蜜蜂在跳
我甚至看清了我的記憶：
有一次我得到答案說我肯定是
為我的故鄉而疼痛。我是否已經變得
意識渾濁來配合我那布滿粉塵的肺部
我不會再有任何回憶可以信靠
然而我，盡管有我的罪，我的哀傷
望著太平洋的日落，天空散去
在泛著光的色彩與刺痛般的解脫裏
在天色將盡時把白雲塗抹
一如我的終言和宣告
一如我那最初也是最後的印象
僅有時光才能日漸定義的
我此刻的脆弱。天已到盡頭
這裏是英倫的秋天，我的意識
融進那從未拋在身後的暖陽
注：科萊夫·詹姆斯 (Clive James), 澳大利亞著名詩人，評論家。1939年生於悉尼，旅居英國大半生，晚年病魔纏身而不能葉落歸根，彷彿看到自己將要客死異鄉，帶著化不開的感傷作了這首詩，並出版了同題的或許會是他最後的詩集。
Sentenced to life
Sentenced to life, I sleep face-up as though
Ice-bound, lest I should cough the night away,
And when I walk the mile to town, I show
The right technique for wading through deep clay.
A sad man, sorrier than he can say.
But surely not so guilty he should die
Each day from knowing that his race is run:
My sin was to be faithless. I would lie
As if I could be true to everyone
At once, and all the damage that was done
Was in the name of love, or so I thought.
I might have met my death believing this,
But no, there was a lesson to be taught.
Now, not just old, but ill, with much amiss,
I see things with a whole new emphasis.
My daughter’s garden has a goldfish pool
With six fish, each a little finger long.
I stand and watch them following their rule
Of never touching, never going wrong:
Trajectories as perfect as plain song.
Once, I would not have noticed; nor have known
The name for Japanese anemones,
So pale, so frail. But now I catch the tone
Of leaves. No birds can touch down in the trees
Without my seeing them. I count the bees.
Even my memories are clearly seen:
Whence comes the answer if I’m told I must
Be aching for my homeland. Had I been
Dulled in the brain to match my lungs of dust
There’d be no recollection I could trust.
Yet I, despite my guilt, despite my grief,
Watch the Pacific sunset, heaven sent,
In glowing colours and in sharp relief,
Painting the white clouds when the day is spent,
As if it were my will and testament –
As if my first impressions were my last,
And time had only made them more defined,
Now I am weak. The sky is overcast
Here in the English autumn, but my mind
Basks in the light I never left behind.
TLS, May 2, 2014 |
发表于 2016-7-4 19:45
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发表于 2016-7-6 15:44
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